Outercourse. Heavy petting. Dry sex. Tribadism. Dry humping. No matter what you call it, the act of rubbing your vagina against your partner’s leg, knee, erection, or other body parts deserves more respect and love than most people give it. (Ditto for rubbing your vagina against sofa ends, pillows, and other inanimate objects.)
“It’s a long lost art,” says Sadie Allison, PhD, founder of sex toy boutique TickleKitty.com and author of Tickle His Pickle–Your Hands-on Guide to Penis Pleasing. “When I was in high school I was waiting to lose my virginity, but I did a lot of other stuff leading to signs of sexual arousal — like dry humping.”
Yet, dry humping isn’t just something people do before they’re ready to have penetrative sex or be completely naked in front of a partner. For people who have clitorises, dry humping can lead to mind-blowing orgasms. “Clitoral stimulation for cisgender women is the goddess of sex, but is typically overlooked due to our patriarchal view on sex and pleasure,” says Alexis Thomas, owner and sex educator of Taboo Tabou.
While people with penises can get pleasure from outercourse, dry humping is all about the clitoris. The repetitive motion applies constant friction and pressure to the clit. So as long as you’re doing it right, there’s a good chance it’ll rock your world.
Not sure how to do it right? We talked to Dr. Allison, Thomas, and other sexperts for tips on getting the most out of dry humping. Read on for their advice, and consider adding dry humping back to your foreplay Rolodex.
You can have an orgasm with your clothes on, but it’s going to be a lot harder if you’re wearing super thick denim. The point is to put pressure on your clitoris, so if you’re heading to bae’s house and you know you’ll be doing some dry humping, then wear something thin. The thinner the barrier to your clit is, the more likely you’ll be able to get off.
Dry humping is like penetrative sex in that you might need a little foreplay to make an orgasm happen. So Dr. Allison suggests excusing yourself to the restroom after you and your partner have been making out, but before you start grinding on each other. Take your time in the bathroom to rub your clit and get yourself close to orgasm. “There’s nothing wrong with you prepping yourself a little bit,” she says. Consider it “priming the area.”
If you want an orgasm, Dr. Allison says, then you need to find a position that helps you control the speed, position, and angle of how your clitoris is rubbing against your partner’s body.
If your partner has a penis or is sporting a strap-on, Dr. Allison suggests you get on top. “Tilt your pelvis forward and then move your hips around until you find the aha moment against the erection [or sex toy,]” she says. You can also straddle your partner on the couch, which might make it easier to feel the pressure around your whole vulva, she says.
Of course, dry humping doesn’t have to involve both partner’s genitals and there are plenty of fun body parts to play around with, says Rosara Torrisi, PhD, an AASECT certified sex therapist and the founder of the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy. You can rub against someone’s knee, thigh, hand, nose, chin, or even a vibrator attached to someone’s leg. “Anything that has extra hardness can work,” Dr. Torrisi says.
Dry humping might seem like some desperate, spontaneous act, but putting a little thought into it can really pay off. That can mean choosing to wear silky underwear like Dr. Allison suggested, or breaking out some sex toys. “Wearing an internal vibrator like the Jive will totally give you an advantage,” Dr. Allison says. If your partner has a penis or is wearing a strap-on, they could even wear a vibrating cock ring to make dry humping a little more fun.
“The main thing for people to remember is that you’re going to try getting some constant friction on the clit,” Dr. McGuire says. The problem is that many people’s clitorises are tucked behind their labia — that’s no problem when you’re opening your vaginal lips for penetrative or oral sex, but does make it more difficult to feel that constant friction when dry humping. So Dr. Allison suggests making your underwear work for you.
“If you adjust your panties to be in between your lips, they’ll push your labia apart so you can feel more contact on your clitoris,” she says.
If you’re leaving your clothes on, dry humping can pretty much guarantee you’ll be safe from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies. But if you strip down to your underwear or decide to get fully naked, be mindful of bodily fluids.
“Every year a couple people are dry humping with little to no clothing on and babies happen,” Dr. McGuire says. It’s incredibly rare, but it is possible to get pregnant or contract an STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea if your partner’s semen or vaginal fluid gets on your vulva.
Just like any other kind of sex, mishaps can happen during dry humping. Maybe your partner’s knee will slip just as you’re grinding against it, or maybe you won’t be able to find a good angle. Dr. Torrisi’s advice? Just laugh it off and move on. “If you thought that something would feel good and it doesn’t, try something else,” she says. After all, this is all about figuring out what feels good for you.Read More
Although there’s nothing quite like having sex with skin-to-skin contact, sometimes certain circumstances call for keeping your clothes on during sex. Having a quickie is one such example, as is having sex in an elevator, in a bar bathroom, in a restaurant coat closet, the car, in an alley way on the way home from a bar ― you know, basically any and all places for sex. As much as you may want to strip down to your bare ass for elevator sex, it’s rarely a good idea. Unless, of course, you’re in an abandoned building where no one uses the elevator, but then would you really want to do that? Like what if the elevator gets stuck, your phone dies, and then you have to decide who’s going to eat who to survive? No fun.
But my point is, there are times when it’s just best to keep your clothes when it comes to having sex. There’s also an element of hotness there, too: You’re clothed, but you’re getting it on, and it just feels good, like you’re getting away with something. Seriously. If you haven’t tried it, you should.
So the next time you want to get it on, but know you should keep your clothes on, here are seven sex positions you can totally pull off and still thoroughly enjoy.
How to do it: The Coital Alignment position is a variation of missionary. You lie on your back with your legs up and knees pulled in as your partner grinds as they penetrate.
Why you can keep your clothes on: In this position, all a male partner has to do is take his penis out, so everything else can stay on. As for a woman, if she’s wearing a skirt, she can either remove her underwear, or simply to push them to the side so she can be penetrated. If she’s wearing pants, it’s still a doable, but because her partner is between her legs, she has to at least pull her pants down far enough so he can get between her legs.
What it’s great for: Clitoral stimulation.
How to do it: All you have to do is get on your hands and knees while your partner penetrates you from the back.
Why you can keep your clothes on: Again, for a male partner, it’s just a matter of taking his penis out of his pants. For women, this is actually going to work best if you’re wearing a dress or skirt. I mean, you could pull your pants down to your ankles, which still counts as keeping them on, but considering where your partner needs to be ― between your legs ― they could get in the way. Or they could just kneel on your pants, I suppose.
What it’s great for: G-spot stimulation. Just add a toy or your hand to stimulate your clit in this position as well. You can also do some backdoor fun with this position, but just remember to reserve a time in practicing butt sex before you engage in an actual one.
How to do it: First of all, X Marks the Spot requires a bed or a table on which the woman can lay. Then she raises and crosses her legs, resting them on her partner’s chest while they penetrate her from a standing position.
Why you can keep your clothes on: As is bound to be the case for all of these positions, the male partner just needs to unzip and pull out his penis. The woman just needs to lay back and either remove just her underwear or, again, pull it to the side. In this position, if you want to keep your clothes on, it works for skirts, dresses, and pants, because your legs aren’t spread so pants don’t get in the way of being penetrated.
What it’s great for: Deep penetration and G-spot stimulation.
How to do it: One of you gets on your hands and knees while the other one kneels behind, so her body is pressing against the other as she fingers the clitoris.
Why you can keep your clothes on: If you’re both wearing skirts or dresses, this is an easy one to maneuver, which makes it a great position for taking it outside the bedroom — try it on staircase or up against a sofa.
What it’s great for: Clitoral stimulation
How to do it: For In a Chair, have a male partner take a seat on a chair, then straddle while facing him.
Why you can keep your clothes on: Because you need to straddle not just your partner but a chair, this is definitely one that require either a dress or skirt to make it work. Of course, your mail partner can keep all of his clothes on because ― wait for it ― he just needs to take out his penis! I feel like we’re seeing a pattern here, no?
What it’s great for: Clitoral stimulation, because you’re in control as you bump and grind.
How to do it: The Spooning position is just the sex version of your regular cuddle spooning position.
Why you can keep your clothes on: Well, we’ve already drilled it into your head why guys can keep their clothes on, but for women to keep theirs on is a bit tricky with this one. Just as with any position in which the woman is being penetrated from behind, a skirt or dress are definitely preferred. However, if it’s one of those days where only jeans will do, then pulling them to your knees should be enough so your partner can get in there good and deep.
What it’s great for: G-spot stimulation.
How to do it: One partner lies on her back while the other lowers herself on her knees so her clitoris is over her partner’s mouth. The partner on her back performs oral sex and can use her free hands or to caress her partner’s body.
Why you can keep your clothes on: The partner on her back can be fully clothed, while the other can just lift up her skirt or dress.
What it’s great for: Oral sex
How to do it: For the Butterfly sex position, you’re going to want to lay on a bed or table, while your partner stands in front of you. Because you’re a little lower than him, he’s going to lift your hips so your vagina and his crotch are at the same height. From here, with your hips in his hands and your legs resting against his shoulders, he’s in control of pulling himself deeper and deeper into you.
Why you can keep your clothes on: Because there isn’t any penetration from the back going on, so you don’t have to worry about removing anything. If you’re in a skirt or dress, it’s definitely ideal, but if you’re in jeans, you can pull them down a bit. As long as you’re still able to spread your legs and he can get inside, then you’re good to go.
What it’s great for: Men with smaller penises, because it provides deeper penetration.
How to do it: The Sofa Brace is sort of a modified Doggy Style, as your partner is penetrating you from behind, while you’re draped over the couch.
Why you can keep your clothes on: Because your legs are together, whether you’re rocking a skirt or pants, it works, because you’re not the one doing the straddling. It’s when a woman has to straddle that pants totally get in the way. For this one, you either just flip up your skirt or dress, or drop your pants just far enough down so your partner can get in there.
What it’s great for: G-spot stimulation.Read More